I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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