I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
