i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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