How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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