help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
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Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
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I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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