i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
