'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
