My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
