Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
