I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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