..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
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He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
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To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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