grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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