then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
