what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
