my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
