wanna go halves on a baby?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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