dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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