Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
