So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
