She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
