That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
