dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
