I feel great
I just peed on a car
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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