erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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