If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
