I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
