true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
worst night to have a conscience
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
