Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
