Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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