I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
