I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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