my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
