my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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