Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
