i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize