I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
