i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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