Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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