Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
