Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
