Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
