He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Dear god my vagina.
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