You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
