just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
