I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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