operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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