Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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