I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
