from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
