Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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