So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Operation Purity has been aborted
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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