I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
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Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
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Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Text me some of your sweat
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