I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
