thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
