You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
