I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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