They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
why is half of my head shaved?
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