areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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