im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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