I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
