I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
